can't escape the nagging feeling that sits with me like a shadow when the sun comes out to play
only in the rain do i find it held at bay

your heat crawls under my skin
infecting everything it touches
cutting me up inside
until i've forgotten who i am
my blood boils
crying out my eyes
and catching in my throat
so words can't escape
and i fill with all i want to say
and all i need to be
is lost forever in a red sea
drowning amongst the fishes

my stomachs sickness seeps into my heart
dead butterflies make perfect food for the worms.

drained of all my insides
wear my skin upon your bones
holding still
my beating heart
your wry grin's left my stomach in ropes
and i've never felt so weak
an end i've never feared before
the days fly by
and all the while
i hold onto everything
like there will be no other.

blood seething
burning skin
whoring out my wretched soul
beating from the inside out
dripping out my gender
staining everything i claim
tainting it forever
sickening me
my body aches
headless
and without horse.

i've known my sadness as long as i've known myself
and for it to go would be to lose a part of me
that maybe i'm not willing to leave behind.

this feeling of old

my being is torn
between wrong and the light
by the shine of the moon
in the midst of black night
in the times we are one
to the times we break
two
all my strength doth subside
and something seeps through
consuming and warm
in the black and the cold
guiding my hand and my heart
this feeling of old