beautiful, broken

Just when I think
That I’ve washed my hands of you
You flood back in
My sallow dreams
drowning me in blue

I used to like to live
Even when it felt like this
But now this is all I’m feeling
I know i’m better off dead

I still sit beside myself
Wishin’ it was you
So enamored by your memory
Life just passes through

My heart can be your hideaway
It’s been yours since we met
Tis’ not much, this I know
But it’s all that I am

And you don’t even care.
I’ve no words to sum my pain
Though pain be the difference between me and you
So beautifully broken

what good is love without loving you?

always lost
i've never found
myself
since you faded away
now i'm caught in your memory
my misery
the space you fail to reside
because my love is bigger than i am
more than my words could ever say
i've never felt so small
and i wonder how you could care
then never call
never write
leave me to my own
looking for my heart
it walked out on me with you
now resides in the place of last things
soon to be lost

still broken

alone in the morning sun
enjoying the calm
make myself a coffee
let it warm my fingertips

as the cream clouds my coffee
i feel the pull of your memory
and i slip into the haze

your warmth
your creamy skin
so smooth
so soft
like heaven in my hands

back to my coffee
satisfying
and i work through my day
remain that way
until i reach for my phone
hun, it's happening again

i stumble and fall
broken thoughts
of wanting
kissing you

your face
fingers in mine

and circles are the theme of my life
because i return to myself
now
sometimes with a smile
this time
with a smile

more than water

walking through halls
or streets
or heads
light as a feather
smile on face
snow gently falling
raining
calling
fumbling toward the bright
like a carrot on a string
heaven only knows
the garden we tread o'er
to get there
but when you've stopped to smell the roses
and find yourself back in the desert
water is not the only thing you crave

six word memoirs

there is hope for the hopeless

I hold your memory up close to my face
just to see if your beauty matches to the grain
of the wood on the frame
and the stain of our ‘was’ to the pain of my now
as I’ve lost what I had
because I can’t remember
the soft of your skin on the tips of my fingers
or the map of your freckles when my eyes used to linger
so I stare a bit harder
cross my eyes over heart
and the colours and moments fold over each other
revealing what went unnoticed
but between those lines
our hands intertwined
and that wisp of a thought
always brings me a smile
so I’ll hold your memory up close to my face
while your back is turned on me
and wait for the sun to shine

pendulum

would you hate me if i wanted to be your friend
6 hours 47 minutes tick by under a ladybug shell
and you knew only 5 minutes before
your mind is not something easily read
i'm assuming mine is the same
but you held me, and stood me, and lead me, and left me
and if this is goodbye,
(i'm sorry) your gone.

boredom consumes
so does depression
don't get the two mixed up
boredom can lead to being depressed
but depression is consuming in its own right
it's like quicksand
except you can feel it over your whole body at once
you're not sinking
you're being engulfed
all at once
like a vacuum over your body pulling you every which way
your head pounds
eyes are heavy
sleep is welcomed, but never comes
every hair, every muscle, every cell of your body
carries tremendous weight
a miracle really
how much weight you can lift
how you can still walk and talk
smile even
but its there
its always there

me

so i'm lost and no ones found
beautiful but flawed
i missed the call
and my insides hurt
so i lay here
waiting for something to change
waiting for the thought
that will push me
back into me

lessons learned

it was a moment of weekness
your moment
and i fell in love
with the tears in your eyes
i saw
in that moment
what holds dear to your heart
and i realize what holds in mine
thank you

your soul's reflection shines through, blinding me with my tears
your comforting touch reveals a lifetime of pain, yes, my pain
i sit here contemplating this worlds disaster
the people dying
hurting
yet i always come back to you and it hurts me more
because you are so pure even for a moment
and my heart breaks for you
it just your beauty's killing me

to whom this may concern

you don't look like the others
your of a different breed

ponder this here figment
because this, alas, is your world to hold
it will deside the distance of your waters echo

but still i saw the pain in your heart when rejection walked away
and i saw you recoil into self loathing
though you hide it well

if only you knew how i see you
or how many more see you too

fading in 2 am's soft moonlight
i don't know how to lift you to acceptance
because you are who you are
and you are beautiful

We once were so close
But now live separate lives
I look back on it now
All those "good old" times
but when did you decide
I wasn't worthy of you
You just kept me around
So you had something to do
You strung me along
Thinking that I couldn't see
But don’t forget I know you
Don’t forget you know me
Do you want honesty now?
Because I’ve got it in spades
You’re an amazing person
That’s got lost along the way
In your quest to be accepted
You put on faces you don’t need
But don’t lose what made you you
Don’t become who you pretend to be
I think maybe its part my fault
For not telling you before
Before we went our separate ways
Before you went too far
I am sorry to do this
But I’m not going to bend
I’m still a friend if you need me
But this, my friend, is the end

salt

fear affects our hearts
so what are you afraid of?
you're just as scared to hear the truth
as i am to speak it
why do you run so far?
tisk tisk
my words are quicker than you
waves echo up the walls of this room
what to do when anger and heart collide?
i try to force back my smile
you turn at the sight of it
piercing
the look you long to give
you always knew your looks invite death
what is left to do
walk away from you?
i did that a long time ago
so did you
duling pistols at your side
when did we change sides
rocks falling at our feet
what if i miss you
what would you say then?
because that is truth
so is the disappointment in my eyes
my heart
my voice
the salt from mine eyes
kills the life that surrounds me
i grow wiery of the game you turned us into
sucking the air out of every room you enter
i crawl out under the fire
your light once so bright just burns cold now
you have forged your soul
out of misconceptions and lies
all i can do now is watch you from afar
and hope all the best for you
because finding that for yourself may be te hardest thing you do
all my love

your friend

i see pain in your eyes
every day you lose the world
you steal your tears away
i hold you anyway
your smile is worth it
so strong
your heart
your arms
but you fall so quickly
so i'll pick you up
again
and again
because that's what love is

so shy
sitting behind your smile
your eyes speak to mine
now so does your lips
you understand that the world is painted on
but you keep yourself anyway
content with freedom
content with solidarity
content with me
but still you sit behind your quiet smile
shy
waiting for me

circles and circles and cirles again

caught between the devices you slave to
the devices you crave to
your body sways passionatly
to your own rythm
you surprise me with clouds
and circles
with a silver lining in your hair
and from your lips a sirens song
i am powerless
you run, almost weightless across the floor
but you always come back
well
not always

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

recoiled into myself
i have nothing left to do
people live their lives
words and others are a misdemeanor
off the record
we all are guilty
and it's all been done before
and will be again
can we change who we are?
and if we succeed, will we really have succeeded?
or would we just be fooling ourselves again
pain is too easy of an emotion
try love, and joy
my spine is closing in on itself
and it hurts to know
i've changed
for better or for worse
and your "health" is making you sick
sleep comes all to late
and i'm tired of waiting
so i sit in silence?
turn it down
too long in the same position
i need a change
get out of this town
happiness is but a dream
but than again so is this

counting

so l count the somedays that your here
holding onto what promotes my sanity
for dear life i balance
walking on eggshells
cutting the bottoms of my feet
scaring the depths of my soul
just to know that you will pick me up
lick my wounds
kiss my mouth
touch me
risking everything for you
without me i am nothing
without you i am less
so ill count the somedays that your here
the stars and moon can wait
time and space
eternal bliss
because without you these things don't exist
just the memory of what you were
which does not deserve you
because none can compaire
so ill count the somedays that your here
so i can live
up to you

everything is false
everything....
so we put our barriers up, to hide people from ourselves
or ourselves from them
we put clothes on our bodies to hide what we are
what we wear is a reflection of what we think is cool,
not because we think it is cool,
but because we want others to think it
or scary, or dangerous, or feminine, or strong, or sexy
we are no longer bashful, just greedy for attention
and those who don't think or know this, lie to themselves
because we all want to be good people
it is a conscientious decision to be "good" or "evil"
but we are all actors
all wanting to be what we think human is, yet no one really knowing how to do it
watching yourself cry in the mirror
like its you at your lowest, and it may be
but then forcing yourself to keep on crying [and you do it]
makes it false
just like everything else

im tired of you

i am tired of you
and i'm tired of this game
i have laid myself to sleep
trying to forgive you of the shame
i don't like to see you
in such a dark light
but every time we speak
the lights get dimmer
my days turn to nights
i'm tired of waiting
i was jaded by your air
but that shade of green that cover'd my eyes
has turned
its through clear glass that now i stare
your heart is good
and your intentions may be well
but good intentions don't build friendship
it's said they pave the road to hell

where oh where did this world of mine go
what truly is sad is not life itself
or humanity
it is the hopelessness in which you find yourself in
and then it is the act of ignorance
as you turn your back on what you truly are
human

how long

when did you turn the poetry of your being into words of sorrow?
why did you turn the beauty of what you are into lashes of hate spewing from what used to be such a sweet tasting tongue?
ashes now fall from what was the sparkle in your eye
the space between us that i once longed to fill with you is now as dry as a desert lacking sand
and i'm drowning in it
whatever happened to the rotation of the world as the universe revolved around us?
now along with the sun and moon we fall into a never ending cycle of what we never say
and now we are condemned to stay exactly where we are, in time, in space, in-side-out

your words

what are words if you don't follow through?
they roll off your tongue like marbles
and hang in the air
but like you
when the wind blows
they are lost
i wonder if you believe the lines that find their way in your mouth
or if you actually think i do
stupidity hangs in the air too
but lingers longer

fire red

and so you walk away
fire red
more red than you want to be
not so hot
for yourself anyway
but you hide you well
you pretend to be strong
like you don't care
what others, guys, think of you
but it hurts you
it hurts me
to see your strength
a fallacy
but your heart is true
i love your heart
its what makes you you

lack of...

you strike like lightning
raining on my day
the show is cancelled due to lack of inspiration
but even a whore can be a muse
and miss world sleeps around
the universe her strawberry field
stale and rotten
alone and forgotten
forever

spoon man

i don't love or like
but long
and whilst, you are an impartial
it was only a matter of time
the pockets full of posy's are overwhelming
i would miss them in the end
and though i try to bury them
my backyards full

of all the questions and answers i can find
i still don't know why you are here

and the spoon carves it's way
through my heart into my belly
as it runs through my marrow to the tips of my fingers
my dreams are never empty

time keeps flowing
days go by
the sun's still shining
stars fly high
flowers bloom
and babies cry
i keep breathing
(i want to ...)

your smile

your smile
it turned me
and at that moment
nothing was wrong
or ever had been
and when you were near
nothing mattered
but you
and the kindness in your voice
stroked my heart
and i wish you were with me
for the rest of my life
i will wish you were with me

i'm not welcome here anymore

so whatever it was
or whomever it may be
that makes us who we are
it may not have me

and as i sit in the presence
of the silhouettes of the night
i sink further into my own skin
where nothing but my mind stirs

my breathing quickens to an impossible rate
and the smile on my face
as radiant as the sun has ever been
burns a hole in time

blue eyes pierce the walls
of the perfectly painted sky
as it burns into the night
complimenting the stars

hello you

now i look back and wonder
how we ever were who we were
and you meant so much
and i saw things
that i found so easy
but i can't find them anymore
but we are different
and you still seem to surprise me now and again
and i am proud
of you

longing for your touch
or the comfort of your side
or maybe your arms around my waist
but knowing the improbability of it all
because of who we are
and living each day
seeing you
it's in these moments
i feel like a woman

with all the flaws in the world
you think yours the most unforgiving
and in someone elses eyes
you may be right
but we all are made
imperfect
and maybe i'm just better at hiding it
but i'm imperfect too
and we all are
from the same mold
we just need to learn
to live the cards we're dealt
and to play like the children we are

space

the stars adorn the sky
while we cry at night
the grass grows green in the field
as we tread deep into war
birds sing their siren songs
though the air thins around us all
and sadly all of this is overseen
all of beauty
all of pain

word

so tired of the circles we constantly spin
and the current predicament i find i am in
if i don't like your conscience
would you think it a sin?

come down from the moon and the stars and the sun
it is hard to relate when you think you are "one"
your tongue set to fire
your mind-smoking gun

and i'm here, open ear
open hand
open heart

your telepathy

embarassed
an understatement
and i'm appologizing to you
because i knew, all night
how this would end
i just couldn't find the words
and you took the chance
i love your bravory
even though i walked away
i just didn't have your strength
and i might have hurt you
i am sorry
really
i just don't feel that way

childs play

don't bore me with your inequities
when you learn to live
call
when your skin grows strong
and your tears dry
and a normal conversation can be had
without the fear of misinterpritations
call
when a joke's a joke
and its still a joke
call
if you want an opinion
and can handle an opinion
call
when you remember that i am a friend
and my intentions aren't to hurt you
call

i need oxygen

see my heart
dripping down my face
in puddles on the floor
because i've probably lost who we were
and the friendship we had
so i walk slowly
through the light
and the dark
numb from my words
that i pray didn't hurt you
as much as it did me
to say them
because the truth is i love you
like a friend
like a brother
and the thought of you not here
akin to life without air
and right now
i need oxygen

whatever

if i knew who i was
i might let you know
let us both in on the secret
we could hold it forever
and we'd know why i cry
why my heart feels empty
why my voice dries to dust
why my mind dare tread
instead we laugh and we share
and i eat up your words
fill the void in my soul
wait for night then for day

jellybean

if my mouth fly open
let the truth take away what everyone knows
and blind you no futher
but stamp out all sound
for we both know what's to come
and just wait for the day
where we sew what we reap
and the words hang like clouds
when the storm marches on
and lighting touches all
and walls rumble
like the belly of the beast itself
lined with silver
hearts of old
minds no other
left alone
we've lost eachother

something wicked this way comes

make me move
or make yours first
or stand real still
so no one's hurt
we walk together
both play dumb
but something wicked this way comes

i see you too
you play the game
speak up now
if it won't change
i'm not with you
as i am with some
because something wicked this way comes

impressions

all in fun
with whomever they may be
because what they think
means everything to you
in whatever moments may be
and ever the wordsmith
smiling is all i can do
as i remember who you are
and what you are
the face i see has always been so clear
all sides
in all lights
it was just my head
my eyes
bogged
fogged
body vs mind vs you vs me
and the battles done a'ragin'
as the war's never been
and a girl
has never felt so special

turbulance

take my wrist
bend it back
push me up against a wall
kiss my neck
make me bleed
frustration saturates the senses
passion burns
so does ice
as you stare into my soul
niether breaks
til the dawn
of the new age
is seen

who what

what's wrong with the world?
what is wrong with us
i'd love to know why no one remembers what we mean
when we say we are friends
or maybe i'm assuming
and thats why i feel
like we've been wasting our time
and maybe i have been

indigo

the worlds weight
it's undertows pull
pulling on my shoulders still
reaching in
into my chest
nothing more can you suggest
angels and my demons spar
wearing masks
we've gone nowhere
if i could speak of what i know
i know i'll love
and hold you here
forever

a sadness i've never known

my heart, it aches
and time doth pass
just slow enough to burn
and all the song
and all my thoughts
it is to you they turn
and tears, they grow from all my pores
it's to the sea they run
and if i could, i'd follow them
if it meant we could be one
you said those words
i've never known
and my heart, it breaks in two
my only wish, is that you know
i feel the same way too

unlearn

we've learned to be shells of our true selves
to forget what it is like to be human
to live through each day thinking only of ourselves
our busy schedules
what clothes might look good on us
what purse to wear with that outfit
to leave the world that surrounds us
to live only for ourselves
we are all ignorant to everything
because we are nothing
and we don't care to be anything but what we already are
progression is the illusion that lets us live without the fear that our hearts are breaking
but we are all broken
some more than others
and here comes a new year
but we live for nothing
we live for nothing

you think you know

Climb higher And get lost in the clouds Lose everything your feet once knew You are above that now Hold on to nothing Your on your way up Higher learning And then you fall Out of the clouds Off the pedestal You've built To the floor Where you now know Nothing

something
i looked upon you with an awe
mysterious as you were
i was unborn beside you
and we fell together
a short-lived affair
i grew to know you

your learned heart
you play the poet well

you look so hard for the moon
but you miss the rich night sky
and it's stars
and i'm sorry
you've never let me in

don't lose me

i want your hand
i want your touch
it was safe
for a while
we sunk too far
and without words
we lost ourselves
or i lost me
and so did you
but i'm here
if you need it
a light in the storm
i hope you're warm

if only you knew

its hard to watch you slide
when i'm nowhere to be seen
and my feelings for you have never changed
even though you've disappointed
me
and yourself
if i could let you feel what i feel
i would hand it over
even though most days i hurt
once you know the seconds of joy
of, yes, love
it will have all been worth it

anonymous

don't let your beliefs become the wall that parts you from others
and watch who you choose to show down
what you say and how you say it
you've told me before
and i'll tell you again
people express themselves
and so do you
try to understand people before you judge
(and your judgements fucking cut)
live the life, walk the walk
and see where you stand by the time you walk out

i haven't the hardest life
it's been quite a fucking slice compared
but i've seen
and lived through

if offense was taken
speak up
all appologies

but put me down again
please
because i've learned to deal with that too

i've also learned to deal with my anger
(because i'm writing here)

sweet dreams

ask me a question, i'll lie to your face
and there will be no moral disgrace
rhymes get me no further than you
with your heads lined on stakes
and your views all a-skew
and i turn my red cheeks
and my head full to quip
and i know your blood boils
as i loosen my grip
though your tongue it doth drip
from your fire bleeding lips
i smile a coy smile
and i drift off to sleep
where i dream of the day
when you sew what you reap

a friend in need...

you long for the truth
(i know what that's like)
so this is all i have to offer

what you see
is me
not all, or half
but enough
and if i could show you everything you wanted
i would
but i can't offer up what isn't there
take what you can
and i thank you
because i have taken everything i need

but i know that our needs are not one in the same
and i am sorry i can't be everything you desire
but i know
that i can't be everything you desire
but i hope you're still here
when you figure this out

imperfections

all the small things about us are what make s who we are
my imperfections are what perfect me
and i have beautiful eyes that see you
all of you
past your imperfections
though they've perfected you
down to your heart
that touches me
and i am humbled in your presence once again
and it makes me want to be more
and i sit here
shivering with excitement
because i know where i want to be
and i know who i want to be
and it is you who has helped me see that
and i thank you
for being so beautiful

wishing... and hoping...

and here i go again
wishing i was somewhere else
sleeping beside you
your arms keeping me warm
keeping me safe
but instead i rely on my double thick duvet
and my knee-high socks
because my feet are cold

trees and such

though my glass half empty
optimism lingers
and i find myself content with where i am
and who i am
there are thoughts
(and dreams)
yet i tread lightly down the path i seem to be following
and i photographically categorize every scene
and lock it away in my memory
so i can hold you there forever

where are you

so young
no impression
where are all your friends?
your family tied
to themselves they are bound
and i'm scared for you
succumbing to the abyss
you cant hold your head high
or stand on your two feet
and you cried to my eyes
you are scared
and alone

and i care so much more
than i thought that i could
i just wish i knew your name

i don't see you anymore

i contemplate you
with your hair and your smile
getting lost in the moments
settling down
for just a while
than your tongue lashes out
in that wryful way
and then i lose you in the eyes of another

it's times like these...

i call you
call you
all the time
but nothing in return
and than i look around me
and everyone else knows theirs
loves theirs
can laugh and share
but i stand alone
and watch them
through the window
and i learn from others
what we should be like
and what i am missing

too stubborn to change

piss away
and cry your tears
wondering where you went wrong
you aren't man enough for me
reading your own sob story
god
your balls are on the floor
and not in my court
get over yourself
because no one else cares
i don't have the time to coddle you too
we're all busy now
cleaning our own wounds
maybe you should consider
growing up
it gets easier with time

little miss evil's got a way

walk on eggshells girl
for you are in troubled water
looking down your nose
high on your hill-top
i can see why you're so blind
but even jill fell down the hill
and when i find you there
i'll try to remember not to kick you when you're down

constellation so pure

and if he is really the muse of all muses
than he will be honor'd
with the greatest gift
the body
as he has inspired me
and stolen my heart
and no man
nor woman
could ever take the place
of the void he hath fill'd

the universe revolves around us

... i want to believe in something
don't we all
want to be able to lay down our heads
and trust that when we wake
(if we wake)
everything will be ok
will hold our hands when we're fallen
(because we've all fallen)
will carry us when we tire
will love us
unconditionally
but as dust blows in the wind
and as life moves infinitely
we never really know how alone we are
until we die

we have forgotten

we've everything we could ever want
but still we want more
because we don't know how
to aquire what we need
we're all victims of our own short-comings

i've forgotten how to appologize
and i never ask for help
i am quick to anger
slow to forgive
and though i can see my faults
i find it very hard to change

yet beneath it all
i enjoy who i am
because my intentions are honorable

and though i do wish to become
the ultimate fighting machine
with my practice in yoga, kick boxing, and hip-hop dance
i know i could only use my power for good

and i can only hope to one day become
an X-Men

if you're not bettering yourself, you are actually getting worse

you think you've a handle on things
but you're as lost as the rest of us
and in frustration you forget
yourself, or what you (know)

what do i see?

a woman who (believes) she knows herself
[all too well]
and what is right from wrong
and what is wrong'er than other wrongs
and is quick to point out faults in others
and to put them in their "place"

but when did you become the teacher?
who asked you for this test?
what makes your answers right,
or (even) better than the rest?

one can only see what people show them
and this is what you have shown me
that maybe you're the one that needs to learn
what other people need

writing with spilly fingers
and slurs of mind
make for interesting conversation
but when you find you can't hold on to yourself anymore
you find someone else
and they will give you what you shant believe
whatever that may be
and though you know what you may be like
when you write with spilly fingers
and slurs of mind
not even you can predict the future

the underbelly

So simplistic are the things that we all hold on to
And then we avoid anything real to anything because we fear consequences that again, mean nothing.
We can’t forget the past, because we’d never learn
But we can move on, and embrace, and grow from whatever experiences we collide with
And everything is an experience
We burn so many bridges because we fail to let go of the thought that we, ourselves, aren’t perfect
Or maybe that others, like ourselves, aren’t perfect
And that we all live our lives at different speeds than those all around us
But we all have the commonality that time hastens as we age
And no one is getting any younger
But you’d think we would learn easier
Instead we grow more intolerant
We see squares instead of cubes
Some just see lines
When life’s boundaries are limitless, we live with blinders
And so we have lost our faith
In Life
In God
In Ourselves
So we choose not to trust anyone
And we see in people what we want to see
Some don’t stand a chance

i don't want to talk about it

like a blanket, your arms wrap around me
and everything that was
and ever will be
fades away into seconds
and we are everything that we could ever wish to be
because we are
happy

lend me your ears

so conflicting, yet one in the same
and so i do what you say
one emotion replaces the other
and i am inside out
outside in maybe
and slowly blanketing my body/ my soul
evoking one response then another
and the results are catastrophic
or catatonic
while my heart melts, and burns
such passionate destruction
and constructive consumption
as light to dark, or dark to light
i am lost in it

pony ride

and so we walk
hours mostly
taking turns who leads and who follows
bridal in mouth
but we do choose to walk
or maybe i prefer it
to what may be
because dancing isn't an option
and this ring is too small
and so we walk
in circles again

do you think that it's enough

we move through the motions now
like we've done before
(and it was you who had the nerve...)
i don't really blame human nature
but i blame you now
because you know what you are doing
and you know that i have no fault here
and so now
as we (not so slowly) turn into metal and gears and bolts
looking for a heart to match your axe
you cry yourself into a tin statue for eternity

and so now i ask
where's dorothy when you need her?

melting

does one die when they've learned everything they can?
a persons capacity to hold information varies from this one to that
what if one day my brain couldn't fathom anything more and i just...
slipped away?
what if i didn't want to hear anything more you had to say
so i just walked away?
you can only hope so much before faith is lost
i won't be shamed again
and we will see who the fool is
and i wish i was quick to anger
at least that way something would be blinding me from the truth,
your truth
but now all that burns in mine eyes is disapointment
and right now the walls are melting

when is it that i sleep

with great power...
and we all exude this
but some don't know how
or when
to use it
and we've all fallen bridges
but there is a time to grow
yet some never leave the past
where it's better left
and some just never leave
when it becomes ok to move backwards in time
and to think of only oneself
ill go to you for advice
but until than
it was a learning experiance walking with you this far

you ever so slowly push your hand down my throat
gripping my heart as i gag on your arm
uproot it from my soul
and slide it out
leaving me hollow

yet i continue to write to walls
and talk until health starts to question
my fingers bleed unto my words
though every letter goes unread
my voice has started breeding horses
though you maintain yours stay unsaid

the strength you wield is twofold
shining brighter than the light
over your eyes though, a mask is fit
you've been running all your life

and every time your head doth turn
i fight against the pain
you grip my gut in your hand so tight
litter your floor with my remains

have you no mercy?
or does our distance leave your conscience feeling clean?

the rain crashs through my skin, looking for a place to hide
each drop
crystal clear
cuts through the sky
shattering on my bones

the cold walks closer now
i see it's breath
lingering in the dark

and i stand neith the glow of a streetlamp;
softly reaching down
every which way
carving out a many path to follow

never has the world looked so uninviting

"don't you know it was you?
you could have had it all"

there she goes, again
walking throught my head
she's got me lovestoned
and i think that she knows

i want to explode
because i fell in love with a girl
and they say it's possible
but she left me
wondering where does the good go

though i'm not surprised
reading maps
i churn
hear that song
my gut burns

so you can go your own way
if you need

face to face

there was a day when i laid face to face with you
whispered into your ears
heard your thoughts and your fears
and smiles were all the night would shine through

now time passes like old but remains the only thing true
your face fades away,
and your intentions betray
my thoughts decay with every day new

so where is the day when i get to sit face to face with you?
huddled in a cafe
fighting through the cliche
catching up on the pieces we missed when we last bid adieu

Say It's Possible

I see the lights are turning
And I look outside, the stars are burning
Though this changing time
It could have be anything we want
It's fine, salvation was just
a passing thought
It was just a passing thought

Don't wait, act now
This amazing offer won't last long
It's only a chance to save the path we're on
I know there are more exciting things to talk about
And in time we'll sort it out

And though they say it's possible to me
I don't see how it's probable
I see the course we're on
Spinning farther from what I know
I'll hold on
Tell me that you won't let go

And truth, is such a funny thing
With all these people
Keep on telling me
They know what's best
And what to be frightened of
And all the rest are wrong
They know nothing about us

And though they say it's possible to me
I don't see how it's probable
I see the course we're on
Spinning farther from what I know
I'll hold on
Tell me that you won't let go

I'm not alright..

And though they say it's possible to me
I don't see how it's probable
I see the course we're on
Spinning farther from what I know
I'll hold on
Tell me that you won't let go

This could be something beautiful, I know

six word memoirs

I miss everything I have known

friends and lovers by circumstance only
all relevance is lost
as are we
or maybe found
by circumstance only
not by mine eyes
or yours
and i wonder
is this how you wanted it to be?
under these circumstances
maybe it's easier for you
for me not so much
as easy suggests something
these circumstances don't allow

you pushed me to the point i prayed i'd never have to go
my body shakes with fervor
mind is racing for the door
my heart and my fists beat walls and heads
right now they're neck-in-neck
i've stood by long enough
now jumping ship before the wreck
we find ourselves ashore
both follow footsteps in the sand
you harbor only pain
i've yet to see [your] righteous path
we're both fallen
faces dirty
but i still know what's right and wrong
see how sticks and stones and hurtful words
break more than bones when thrown
so i challenge you
you dare me to
i throw my cards down on the floor
i've not yet won
but just begun
i'll flip your worth to be candor

yellow red arms branch up
illuminating the heavens
whilst the cold breath of morn chills my soul to wake
and the sky lets out a guttural laugh
that bombs through this little town
the war-cry of the siren
unleashing her reign
pouring
forth
into my veins
with every beat
and every breath
drenching my will
every step
harder to take
leaves gather in gutters
like graveyards
still
a comforting place to fall

my lullaby

into your smile
I fell on through
out of my skin
inside of you
I breathed your air
tasted your scent
you melted my world
and taught me
the difference between love
and openness

it’s how I felt
and now
how I hurt
as I sacrificed my soul
for mere moments with you

my constant broken heart reminds me
of the fragility of being human
i am still in love
though if you asked
my mouth would lie
because the heaviness hasn't left me
and my every thought betrays me
as they go where you do

my lullaby
is over

colour me in

standing in the open road
nothing left for miles
brushes in my hand
all colours, every style
waiting

but my heart wails
sound the slow sad strum
as the rain pours

a slow motion blur
washing away my canvas
no more open
no more road
a whirlpool of colours
muddying together

so I walk
the lines are gone
i colour everything
the way I want

except myself
I need your hand
all i've ever needed is your hand
to colour me in

another love song

i'm miles from where you are
but i've lost all my senses to you
in a raid on my heart
a masque

there was a time
i was drowning in my feelings
now i'm floating upside-down
and i'm not fine

so i've got to get back
got to figure out a way
and i pray that someone picks me up
gives me the strength to let you go

but i hear you in every sound
see you in every smile
i serve my heart up on a plate
in just another love song

your fault

paint my future
black and blue
like my insides
scared by you
rays of sunshine
golden hue
kill me softly
like you do

no sleep is sound
all sound is less
all that I feel
prim and pressed
dress me up
now I am dressed
back in my skin
I’m but a guest

you raised me up
then let me fall
I had it once
I’ve lost it all
I stood before
but now I crawl
I love you so

It’s not your fault

they always ask the question
like they can smell it in the air

so i've been running
so hard
so fast
just to meet you in the middle
as everything explodes into flames
engulfing my whole world

and i see you in the light
i've always seen you in the light
on blackened nights
in absense of right
i'll always see you in the light

and you looked into my eyes
my eyes filled with light
and i saw you
turn around and run
so hard
so fast

dawn to dusk
so quickly
so quickly
so quickly

but my eyes still sparkle

i'm riddled with the moments that pass inbetween
as they grow larger
like lamb on the chew
so hard to swallow now

and i'm fine
or so i'm told

and i know, and have known
for too long now
what my feelings have been
because i've mattered not
to myself

but just one wish i own
and as long as it holds true
i will be fine
i will be fine

thought

thought as a lover
but i kill time
like there is no end
thought as a fighter
but i weep
for the love in my heart burns
thought as a thinker
but my words spew forth
with no thought in my head
thought as an actor
and i act
but of my own accord

six word memoirs

my love for you is ready

cocoon

if I should choose to live in my cocoon
wrap myself in me
and cry myself to sleep
if I should choose to protect my tender heart
build a shell from you
steal myself from you

If I should choose to fall apart
don't you think you should let me
if I should choose to die alone
you should forgive and forget me

if I decided I can't do it anymore
try to be so hard
i'm trying to be so fucking hard
if I should choose to keep lying to myself
pretend my mind is telling truths
well I've got my own so who are you
i know
i know
i know

if I should choose to fall apart
don't you think you should let me
if I should choose to die alone
you should forgive and forget me
you should forgive and forget
me
you should forgive and forget
everything

six word memoirs

if i was beautiful like you

really

sitting here
trying to focus
it's all i can do not to think about
it
and i feel the pain
and my fingers start tapping
and i get to that point
where i just really have to go

six word memoirs

if bullets were candy, i'd di(n)e

brick

the clock strikes 12, i'm at a party
it's new years and i'm with someone
i kiss him then steal a moment
i message you
and i am
scared

the months go by, i see you often
it's hard to breath when you're around
i make a move, you make a move
but we're to blind to notice it

i just smile
lose myself just for a while
don't you see
that it's you i'm dying for?

we're on our way down to toronto
the bus is packed but we're alone
i touch your hand
you touch my hand
i can not look up
i am
scared

the night goes on, i try to focus
the moment caught in my head
i love my friends, but all i want is
to be back on that bus again

i just smile
lose myself just for a while
can it be?
is it me you're dying for?

we're at my house a few days later
we're watching tv on the couch
our friends are gone, my heart is racing
i feel your thoughts
and i am
scared

you make your move, my movement with you
i'm caught in heavens afterglow
you break it off, look into me
you ask to take it somewhere else

i just smile
lose myself just for a while
now i see
that it's me you're dying for

our friends find out, you're getting worried
we confirm everything they've known
the smell of cold, i glimps the future
i brush it off
but i am
scared

we keep it up, tell all our secrets
i'm falling deeper in your eyes
i touch your hand, we're out in public
you pull away
appologize

i just smile
lose myself just for a while
can't you see
it's not me you're dying for?


as weeks went by it showed that we were not fine
and i'm feeling more alone than i ever have
she's a brick
and i'm drowning
cuz i am tired
of lying


we're driving back to my apartment
and for the moment we're alone
and she's alone
and i'm alone
and now i know it

i just smile
lose myself just for a while
now i see
it's not me you're dying for

a page
master to the slave
owner of the damned
nation of the heart
beaten like the drum
line up for the fall
forward thinking people
person in to deep
water getting cold
cut
down by the fire
fighter for the weak
willed to do nothing
more than we ever know
not told to lie
cheat
stealer of all hearts
call a spade
anything you want
because
nothing really matters
not in your lifetime
not in mine
eyes full of hope
floats to the surface
sitters of the baby
faced down in the blue
crushed by the world
in His hands
clean

in this blackless sky
counting scars never really ends
as once you gripped my ever beating heart
now dropped to the floor
long forgotten
tormented are my mind and soul
as my limbs go weak
and my stomach, it burns
and my eyes and breath cry out
for only you held my heart
quite like you did
and this lack of all
hollows
and i fill myself up with anything that passes the time
substance matters not
as long as the clock ticks by
at a pace i can manage
though these years go too slowly
and my essence snuffed out with the motion of the butterfly
so i'll drift on this wind until snagged by the trees
a kitten to save
a baby to cradle
a puzzle to piece

six word memoirs

the dragon sleeps, both eyes open.

get down

the rise of the wave
the fall of the land
wash away
the pillars and the foundation
of everything that held me together
now in this
building back up
nothing more than sand
so i dig myself a hole
and wait for the rising of the tide

your judgement of others makes you no better than anyone else

alone

wishing time stood still has never been more of a regret than now
as i sit here contemplating the difference between a life and a death
and nothing moves but my breath
no beauty have i ever seen
that matches this
the world in it's calm

six word memoirs

don't mistake my love for need.

the end

It’s only the end
I’ve never felt [like] such the fool
There is no getting over
There is only getting through
And sitting here, I know not worse
Than knowing I will too
As long as you hold always
That I can’t stop loving you

my hands are naked without yours intertwined
and my body aches with only my head to keep company
10800 seconds
and i could be by your side
if you'd have me by your side
10800 seconds
is where my heart resides
still lost in your eyes
i'm still lost in your eyes

entranced in our entangled glow
my head swims
lights dip
all motion's slow
nothing exists
except for us
hearts beat
in love
one
two
one
two

love is everything

~ love is everything they said it would be
love made sweet and sad the same
but love forgot to make me too blind to see
you're chickening out aren't you?
you're bangin' on the beach like an old tin drum
i can't wait 'til you make the whole kingdom come
so i'm leaving ~

free

a sad, slow song
playing in the background of our time
an old record player
stuck on repeat
no bass
just the scratch
and that morose old man
crying out his heart
in a tune
not far off from the heat of my heart
and if i could make everyone feel
make you feel
the way his chords hit me
we'd all be free

you look so fine

You look so fine
I want to break your heart
And give you mine
You're taking me over

It's so insane
You've got me tethered and chained
I hear your name
And I'm falling over

I'm not like all the other girls
I can't take it like the other girls
I won't share it like the other girls
That you used to know

You look so fine

Knocked down
Cried out
Been down just to find out
I'm through
Bleeding for you

I'm open wide
I want to take you home
We'll waste some time
You're the only one for me

You look so fine
I'm like the desert tonight
Leave her behind
If you want to show me

I'm not like all the other girls
I won't take it like the other girls
I won't fake it like the other girls
That you used to know

You're taking me over
Over and over
I'm falling over
Over and over

You're taking me over
Drown in me one more time
Hide inside me tonight
Do what you want to do
Just pretend happy end
Let me know let it show

Ending with letting go

Let's pretend, happy end

if i could find solace in words
a book
music
the droll that drips off peoples lips
maybe this silence wouldn't hurt so much
plagued by the thoughts in my head
words
screaming so loud
filling every inch of me
catacombs to crevices
suffocating me from the inside out
blotting out the light
eating out my chest
if i could purge myself of the blackness
stored down to my toes
and feel anything but empty...
maybe an end wouldn't look so inviting
though the knife in my gut
is not as inviting as assumed

together in the dark it's easy to speak of all the things we want to hear
it's another to live them

i live for all these tiny little things
as they are what breaks me in the end

caught between everything that ever existed
and never was
and all that is and will be
i don't know what way to turn
i know what i want, and have wanted...
and that backs bend only so far
mine i would break
for anything you'd wish
need you only ask
and i wish i could read you
as well i as read the future
"The bell invites me. Hear it not, for it is a Knell"
and this rings so loud i can't hear anything but
and you're voice is so soft
as is your skin
and your eyes
and mine can't bear to hold back much longer
as the rest of my soul feels like spilling onto the floor
more and more
and my insensate ways tend to come out
in these unfortunate ways and times
but its only in an act of self preservation
but if you need
to be preserved
i will sacrifice myself
again

days blur by
faster
faster
i want to let myself down
but in 6 days time
i'll hit the ground
my breath already lost
and my fears may all come to pass
because all i ever wanted became mine
and like a fool
i grabbed on for dear life
and what's left to do but laugh
as the fates must be doing now
but if laughter saves us
what's killing me?

time drips slowly
from the bathroom tap
that won't turn off
stuffed with socks
that reek of mold
and burn the sinuses
and clog the mind
that crawls at the speed of time
as fish swim downstream
backward
racing the current
chasing cherries
too ripe for the picking
but bleed from the wrists
dripping
like time

lost

my tempest heart is rivaled only by the sea,
my blood it stops when your head turns to me,
you touch my hand and my skin melts to let you through
can't stop it now
undo what you cannot bring to
i'm lost in you

we look at everything
with a sense of knowing
and then never stop to think that everything we know is wrong
we build our walls
with these biases we've made up
and speak our minds of these facts we now hold
in the highest degree
these conclusions
turn this world
fuel generations
until
we are praying to a god
that a failed poet spun
and everything that was once known true
becomes tainted with fiction
and the scientists of tomorrow
trying to prove the history of everything
are mistaken for fools
and we all are fools
in the end

make no move too sudden
or she'll run
fawn eyes
soft heart
and i die each time i break my stare
car crash
innocence gone
and all of her beauty's left blood and glass
broken bones
and my chest hollowed out to nothingness
but in that forest
she's wild
dew drops and crystal clean
fill my senses
and the cool air hits my skin
i keep breathing because i know
it's the only blanket between us

i see you
sitting beside me
awkwardly
knowing
everything
that plagues my mind
and you
brush
it
off

you see me
sitting beside you
uncomfortably
knowing
that if my look lingers too long
all my thoughts
and emotions
and dreams
will explode
killing everything
everyone
leaving us quaking in it's wake

i walk through that doorway and the air hits me like baseball bat to the gut
suffocating
my head spins back to a time when things weren't so simple
jaded
still
i swim with anger i suppress to maintain something
anything
that resembles normal
normal.
why am i reaching for the unattainable?
when did i ever care?
then the dawn breaks and i realize i've never not.
now i stare at those smiling happy people
and i wretch.

pressed against my side
i feel your breath against my breath
my heart quakes
and i'm lost in a labyrinth that is...
never going to unfold
so i'll bite my tongue
and bide my time
until i no longer die with the smile on your lips
or the sparkle in your eye
and your memory is nothing but the space between us.

if jumping ship was ever an option, i'd chain bricks to my ankles and drop anchor.

sinking through the blue/ grey/ black folds, deeper into the oblivion that is my life.

i fear and long for rock bottom.

made of these?

sweet dreams
like a drug
poison my mind
where
upon my wake
i pay the price.

so close.
not close enough.
my mind waking with the dawn of the day.
my heart, aching with every beat, races with my breath.
you stir
and i wretch
as my thoughts betray me
and long to hold you.
i can't help but wonder if our thoughts are but one.
then you turn to face me
and no breath
no beat
like a line from a song
every song
i melt.
i know i'm crazy
and i pray you are too
but my nature gets the better
and i'm pushed back into this lonely reality
with your eyes as they catch mine
staring.
so i'll distract myself with the darkening distance
and wait to find my pen.

your eyes crawl down
mine closed to feel
our weight
weightless
excitement rapes the skin
cool to the touch
soft and rough
strong
and sweet
and i come down
s-slow

on the wall

say it long enough, maybe you'll believe it
but you've become a liar
looking at the stranger
reflected back in the cereal spoon
you stopped looking in the mirror long ago
haunted by your eyes
hating everyone elses
you try your will
ill as it may be
but are sick from fear
because you care more about how others see you
than how you see yourself
and as tired as you are
being everyone else
i'm as equally tired placating you

flattery
in its most sincerest form
and i blush every time
and i know
your next move
as you play checkers
with my chess pieces
and we dance
but in circles and circles and circles again
we wear boredom
though not very well
and you've no explanation for yourself
so why would i ask
as your reservations are not at my table
but you can continue to wet your palette
watching me dine alone.

when do the saints go marching in

complacent in our worlds
never covet other shoes
the fit's all wrong
too wide, too long
we've soured to curdled news
nothing knew everything
we all fit to the tide
no sticks or stones
just bombs for thrones
and we drown on either side
ideas light the bulb
but power's fled the storm
it's all been lost
accept the cost
prescribe to feed the norm
when he reigned it poured
who's left the war to win
the young to mourn
forlorn and worn
when do the saints go marching in?

drowning in the turbulent tide
rushing in rushing out
eyes filled with disdain
hearts filled with
emptiness
words are lined
no silver and gold
but coal and char
and hurt
we've avoided
but nourished
to ensure
what we've become to each other
my eyes are heavy
and my shoulders hang low
bod and soul pray for what never comes
sleep

swallow

the light in my dark

beauty

grace

on a blue grey canvas

gliding gently through the world

walking out of the light

stardust 

encompassing you 

drifting by

on a windmill

if only i could fly

if only i could fly

hands outstretched

as fast as i can

feeling it run through my fingers

across my face

through my hair

but never closer to you

never closer to you

don't walk away

inside my head
you've made your bed
dancing through my fingers
like milk puddles
slipping
dripping
my eyes hold you
bashfully break
away
and our music fills me
all the space between
colliding with your lips
and our hands intertwine
branches of new
wrapping me
wrapping you
breathing
heavier still
as the water rises
over our heads
and i'm caught in your undertow
and i'm yours if you say so
so?

you're back
found a way into every corner of my mind
seeping into my guts
snuffing out the light
like a bad dream
i can't scream
the lump in my throat is suffocating
your absence is suffocating

like a dark cloud
you hang over my thoughts
threatening to break my calm/ serene
behind my eyes
brimming
i can only hide for so long
now my thoughts are as cold as you
rotting beneath the world

were you bound by chains?
by death?
did you run as fast as you could?
for me, did you run?

i was plagued by dreams of a world
without you
once
now life is what plagues me

i used to be whole
but slowly the world is imploding in on me
and sometimes i welcome an end
but then i'd be no better than you.

child

surrounded by everything
everything haunts me
all sides close in on my chest
fingers one by one
wrapped tightly around my neck
squeezing
i'm drowning in everything i know
i wish i was a child again
thought childish things

sinking

where is my mind?

notice every moment
every movement
my body shakes with
something
i've yet to analyze
no conclusions to the feelings i feel
no desire to
no care
maybe i'm sinking
maybe i'm sinking

interweaving strands like spitting snakes venom
coursing through my vains
knowing nothing more than six degrees separate
me from the world

i cry a little to much
at night my mind races
like butterflies
in the flame
and my guts drip with disdain

your smile

my heart exploding through my chest
bubbling up into my mouth
my head
bursting through my arms
fingers bleeding
belly retching
my all seeping onto the floor
a symptom of your smile
and i pray it never ends

your face next to mine
breath soft
slow
my fingers trace the contours of your cheeks
your neck
your soul
jealous that i have to share you with the moonlight
it dances across your chest
and your breath quickens
with the beat of my heart
and the touch of my lips
i stare into your eyes
no longer locked with mine
and i know beauty
your beauty
my body swimming in your senses
drowning in these copper sheets
i've tasted heaven

evolution of man

trapped by what surrounds me
nothing acts my age
my body chill
mind shrill times kill
no one waits to turn the page
we've lost the hands that feed
digested long ago
eyes filled with light
all sad and contrite
lies run deeper then soul
freedom's nothing but a word
granted we take it for all
fumble, stumble, all but humble
tumble, crumble
now we crawl

...

minutes pass like hours
the day feels like a blur
my body's numb
no focus here
i didn't think i'd be missing her
pretending i'm somewhere else
feigning strength
so you can be strong
killing myself softly
telling myself nothing's wrong
cutting deep into my flesh
set free what lives inside
it won't come out
rooted deep
i'll kill it when i die
all the world's turned black and white
colours hurt my eyes
but the sun still shines
and people smile
so here's me
all dressed in guise

wants

and the band plays on

as we all sink below

scratching nothing

no surface

while ones heart lays dying on the floor

and our eyes hide nothing

not the lies

not our soul

which we've sacrificed for nothing

because our wants are for nothing

but one begs for a life

and her crys are unheard

beneath the city's light

and traffic jams

all bustle no hustle

because we drive around in circles

the ring around the rosy

like children 

we fall

words

i've eyes that see through
your heart
your pain
i'd walk forever in your shoes
if you'd just let me in
my soul it aches
for what might come to pass
and i'd bear it all [if i could]
so that you never would have

my thoughts transcend words

a simple man

my hero
held high
a simple man
my heart breaks
with love
a simple love
his blood
my blood
a simple blood
the thought
his thought
a simple thought
brings up my world
a whole

no more holding hands
as we age
day by day
no more rosy
no more ring
around the world
we've lost
everything
prying eyes
we've turned our backs
to crying eyes
the souls within
begging
us

but

'it's the end of the world as we know it,
and i feel fine"

slowly

(1)
blue skies blanket all the world
sunday mornings haze
(2)
calm/serene are taupes and greens
filling in the daze
(3)
people pop like candy corn
bubble gum speckled floor
(4)
melting into coffee grinds
this world is a bore
(5)
lightning red and fire strong
eyes begin to itch
(6)
switch

crazy kitty climbing, clawing up and down my brain
raking zen gardens
back and forth
erase
and start again
broken glass and body parts like jewels in the sand
stranded on a rock, i am a rock
alone i stand

one more time

One more time
We gonna celebrate
Oh yeah, all right
Don't stop dancing


One more time
Music's got me feeling so free
We gonna celebrate
one more time

todays quest hath been foiled by natures wrath;
minor rain and a bit of a chill.

if cameras were death proof i'd brave it.

i might still.

there's a girl out on the sea

standing on the edge of the diving board, waiting to fall.
no water in the deep end. no deep end in the pool.
sharks circle below me, waiting for the fall.
sharp teeth. hungry eyes.

climbing into the air, waiting to fall.
no safety net below me and the glass of water is half empty.
the horse spilled it after his dive.

i scanned the horizon for mimi.
she passed about 20+ years ago.
but i guess i'm fine out here on the sea.
it's hard to sink OR swim in slow motion.

creative.

a sham

wishing you were here 

that you were mine 

rare avis 

so i wait

through these nettlesome times 

remaining stoic 

all a sham

no name

some crazy designers. inspirational. i need more time.

http://abduzeedo.com/2007-graphic-design-inspiration

have fun

Where to go, what to do…

What if you really wanted something, but you didn’t want all the shit that came with it. And then your 2 back ups weren’t half as good, and they both came with their own shit, but that shit was considerably less in amount then your first choice?

Shit. I hate shit.

It's how I roll

How do you walk with one foot stuck in your mouth?

You don't. You fall.
Then you roll along until the time you can get back up onto both feet again.

I've made an ass of myself, and it's not the first time. This time it's especially bad though. I think I've lost something special.

But lessons come in many forms, and hindsight tends to be the bitch that karma sicks on you.

So now I roll.